Percy The Pug Vs Soap

This is the story of Percy the Pug versus Soap. Now, as we all know, Percy the Pug wasn’t always the brainiac of a Pug that he is today. Once upon a time, he was just a tiny child Puggy, not so wise and not so smart, still living with his mom and dad. This story is one of those tales from his younger days, a time when Percy wasn’t as clever as we know him to be.

It all began one morning when Percy’s mom called out, “Percy! Percy, Percy, Percy, Percy! It’s time to get up!”

Percy the Pug got up as usual and went into the bathroom, where he brushed his teeth. Then, he was going to wash his face but discovered something alarming.

“Mom!” he called out.

“What?” his mom replied.

“There’s no soap!”

“Use the soap under the sink!” his mom instructed.

Percy looked under the sink and found a soap container. It was a strange soap, but it smelled like soap, kind of. The container was yellow, and on it was the image of a bald man. The soap was very big and heavy, but Percy managed to lift it onto the counter after much grunting and groaning. Then, he had to unscrew the lid, which was no easy task. He had to push it down, twist, push up, twist, and then down and up again. Finally, he got the soap open, poured some into his hands, and rubbed it all over his face and forehead. Being a thorough washer, Percy even rubbed some into his hair.

“Oh, Percy, Percy, Percy… you’re going to have no hair,” his mom might have warned, had she known.

After rinsing off the soap, Percy looked in the mirror and gasped. His hair was gone! His eyebrows were gone too! The parts of his head where he had used the soap were now completely bald.

“Nooo!” cried Percy. “Vile, evil soap! How could you do this to me? Curse you!”

Then he did what he should have done before—he read the label: Hair Remover—Mr. Balding. For those difficult-to-reach pieces of hair, for the hair that you never want. Apply liberally, scrub, wash off, and watch your hair disappear.

“Nooo!” Percy cried again and ran downstairs.

“Mom! Mom! I used the Balding Dude! The Balding Dude!” he wailed.

His mom looked at him in shock. “Oh my gosh, Percy, you have no eyebrows!”

“I know, Mom! It’s terrible! What am I going to do? How am I going to go to school like this?”

“Well,” his mom said thoughtfully, “there’s only one thing to do. We have to finish the ensemble.”

“What? No! Is there anything else we can do?” Percy begged.

“Nope,” said his mom. “Let’s go back upstairs and finish off the job.”

Terrified and upset, Percy had no choice. His mom shaved the rest of his head, leaving him completely bald. When he came downstairs again, his dad, who was eating cereal, screamed, “Ahh! What happened to you, boy?”

“Mr. Balding got me,” Percy replied miserably.

His dad looked at him, trying to be supportive. “Well, at least you can wear a hat,” he said, as Percy’s mom put a cap on his head.

“Thanks, Dad,” said Percy, not feeling any better.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” his dad continued. “How much of the Mr. Balding did you use?”

“Not much,” his mom said. “Just a little bit.”

“Well, in that case, it should only take a couple of months for your hair to grow back.”

“A couple of months?! I’m going to be bald for months?” Percy was livid, but there was nothing he could do. He went to school the next day with his cap on, dreading what might happen.

At school, everyone stared at him, wondering why he was wearing a cap. Eventually, after the second period, the teacher said, “Percy, you know the rules. No caps allowed in school. Please take off your cap and put it in your cubby.”

Slowly, Percy took off his cap, revealing his bald Puggy head. The classroom gasped. One girl even dropped her pencil in shock, and the school hamster burrowed deeper into its bedding out of fear. Baldness had struck their classroom.

“What happened to you?” one of Percy’s classmates asked.

“Uh, soap,” Percy mumbled. “Yeah, soap. I used soap.”

“You used soap, and you went bald?” another kid asked.

“Yeah,” Percy confirmed, hoping to avoid further questions.

“That’s it! I’m not using soap anymore!” declared one of the kids.

Soon, Percy’s whole class vowed never to use soap again. The story spread, and by the end of the day, all the students at the school had sworn off soap, terrified of going bald like Percy.

The next morning, Percy returned to school, still bald. But something was different. When he opened his classroom door, the strongest, most vile, stinky, wretched smell leapt out, nearly knocking him off his feet.

“What is that smell?” Percy exclaimed, looking around the room.

Inside, he found 25 of the dirtiest people he’d ever seen—kids with dirty hair, wearing the same clothes for days, and likely even the same underwear. Percy could swear small rodents were living in some of their pants.

“Why don’t you come in, Percy?” said the teacher, who was now wearing a gas mask.

Percy struggled against the stench, but it was overpowering. The kids stared at him, noticing something unusual.

“You look clean, Percy,” one of them said, her dirty clothes cracking and snapping as she moved.

“Uh, no! I’m not clean,” Percy stammered, backing away.

Another kid pointed a finger at him. “I think he’s clean. That means he used soap!”

The whole class stood up, pointing at Percy and chanting, “You can’t be clean! Soap user! We’re going to make you dirty!”

Percy the Pug realized this was not a good place to be. He bolted out of the classroom, running down the hallway, but the dirty kids followed him. Every classroom door opened, and more dirty kids poured out, joining the chase.

Percy ran as fast as he could, but the school bus caught up to him. The dirty kids were dangling out of the windows, catching bugs with their teeth and hair, chanting, “Dirty, dirty, dirty!” in unison.

Percy was terrified. Who knew what they might do to him? Maybe they’d make him wear the same underwear for four days or take away his toilet paper privileges. Ew!

He dashed into the playground, but the bus followed, crashing into the swing set and stalling in the sand. The dirty kids filed out of the windows like ripe lemons, rolling in the dirt, and coming after him again.

“Dirty, dirty, dirty,” they chanted, growing stronger the dirtier they got.

Percy didn’t know what to do. He ran all the way home, but no one was there. His mom and dad were at work, and the dirty kids were getting closer. Desperate, he spotted the hose in the backyard.

He scrambled to the hose, turned on the tap, and water sprayed everywhere. The kids screamed as the water hit them, but then they realized it was just water—soapless water. They didn’t mind getting wet, as it only made them muddier.

Now covered in mud, the kids looked at Percy and said, “Now you are one of us.” Then, slowly, they left.

Percy was stunned. That was it? A little water fight and they were satisfied? He watched as his zombie-like schoolmates trudged away, leaving him in peace.

When Percy’s parents came home, they were confused.

“Why aren’t you at school? Why are you dirty? Why are you wet? Why is there stuff everywhere?” they asked.

Percy told them the terrible story of the dirt zombies, and they shook their heads.

“Well, you definitely need to bring some soap to school tomorrow,” his mom said.

“Are you kidding me?” Percy replied. “If I bring soap to school, I’m gonna get killed!”

But his parents had a plan. The next day, Percy went to school with a big backpack, bigger than normal. He was dirty, in disguise. When he got to the classroom, he stood up in front of the class and said, “I am not dirty.”

Then, he took off his dirty clothes, revealing clean clothes underneath. He rubbed himself clean, pulled out a tiny bar of soap, and held it up. “I’m going to use this right now,” he announced.

“No! You shall not use soap!” the kids shouted, but Percy threw the bar of soap on the floor and ran out into the hallway. The dirty kids followed, avoiding the soap as they chased him.

Percy had a plan. He had arranged for the fire department to show up with four fire trucks full of soapy water. As he led the dirty kids outside, the fire trucks were waiting. The firefighters hosed down the entire school with soapy water, blasting the dirt zombies with the cleansing power of cleanliness.

The kids screamed and protested, but soon, all the dirt was washed away, revealing innocent children underneath. By the end of the day, the school was cleaner than it had ever been.

The next day, Percy the Pug walked into school, his hair already beginning to grow back. The kids greeted him like a hero. They no longer feared soap, but they all knew one thing: Never use Mr. Balding.